Life’s a Bitch! … Sometimes…

I’m tired.

Physically and mentally.

It’s affecting my work.

Every time I have a valid excuse, I grab it, just not to go to work.

Sabi nila marami ang namamatay sa maling akala. Kung totoo yun, bakit buhay pa ako?

Akala ko magiging ok ang lahat sa bandang huli… Sana nga…

Akala ko mahal mo ako pero kahit anong tingin ko sa naging sitwasyon natin ngayon lumalabas na ginamit mo lang ako.

Akala ko may isa kang salita at nananatili akong umaasa na may ganun ka pero bullshit! Sino ang niloloko ko?? Asan na ang mga pinangako mo?

Akala ko makakakita ako ng mas magpapahalaga sa akin, pero wala pa rin..

Akala ko nakilala ko na sya, pero may iba para sa kanya..

Akala ko nailabas ko na lahat ng lungkot at sama ng loob ko nang minsan malasing ako, pero hindi pa rin at nananatiling mahirap ilabas ang mga naipong sama ng loob..

(itutuloy…)

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I made so much serious decisions in my life, but i’m not regretting the results. Just disappointed in the results.

Please help me cause I’m breaking down
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get it out
Please help me cause I’m breaking down
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get it out of here

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Cool.. Just what I am feeling as of today..

This took a long time… Whew!

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It’s frustrating when you want something so badly but you can’t get it because of someone else. In yourself, you want to grow, know or experience different things, but that is blocked or prohibited by someone else’s incompetence. Makes my blood boil. "Grow up", my seatmate says… Huh!? I’m trying to but I’m stunted. Gusto ko magwala, naasar ako ngayong araw na ito.. >:P blehh!

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April 08, 2008

After what happened in the past few days, I thought I will be ok… I had my vacation leave last night. I just slept all day… I tried to forget the feeling… I thought I would succeed. But in just one sms, my effort blew out the window. I then thought the following day that everything will be alright. But right now, I saw the person. The feelings I tried to deny hit me full force in the face. I felt jealousy. This will be a long shift… I want to cry! I wished I didn’t meet that person, but who am I kidding, I feel happy everytime I see the person. Waaaa! A long night indeed… This is not right… This feeling is affecting me so much… It’s too great to ignore… What should I do?Please don’t do this to me..Shit, I’m so happy when I see you…This is torment!

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April 16 2008

I’m very very frustrated
tonight. hindi ko alam bakit ang bigat bigat ng pakiramdam ko.
nakakainis! mutual feelings tayo.. shit ok naman ako kanina sana di ka
na lang nag text sa akinnahihirapan ako ngayon i’m trying to suppress
these feelings na di ko kayang matagalan…

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April 23, 2008
want to touch you
want to feel you
want to know you
want to see you smile
want you next to me
want to be with you
want you

but it is not possible for now
i feel a big gap inside my chest
i feel it waiting to explode
my heart’s empty and full at the same time

want to cry
want to die
want to go far away
where i would not see you
want to forget these feelings
want the way it was before

want to move on
want to let go
want these feelings out
if I can’t have you…

I heard this song in Walt Disney’s Enchanted, in the King and Queen’s Ball, where Giselle and Rob dances the waltz.  I love the song! Nice voice by Jon McLaughlin, very good music and lyrics by Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz plus Amy Adams looks so gorgeous in her dress and Patrick Dempsey, handsome in his Beast-inspired suit. It made me wanna cry in that scene. As a friend told me, it’s inspiring to fall in love again (pertaining to the movie in general).

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So Close
Jon McLaughlin

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Why by Ayaka (Lyrics)

hitomi no oku ga boyakete mienai
     Inside the eye, there are things that you see and cannot say.
kokoro no soko no kimochi wa aru no?
     Is there a deeper feeling beneath that heart?
sekai no subete wo te ni shita to shite mo
     Say that you have obtained everything left in this world with your hands,
sore ga anata no shiawase na no?
     Will you still be happy with that?

Why kodoku na sora wo miageru no?
     Why…do you look sadly at the lonely sky?
Why waratte misete yo
     Why…show your laughing face.
kotoba ni suru no ga heta na
     Saying the right words becomes difficult.
anata no seikaku wakaru kara
     Because of your character, I understand.

tooi mukashi ni nani ga atta no?
     Was there something in your past?
shisen wo sorasu anata no hitomi ni
     You so often divert the distant gaze from your eyes.
hitori de samishii yoru ni dakishmerareru
     Alone during the lonely nights, you held on to life tightly.
sonna atataka sa shitteru no?
     Did you find any warmth?

Why doushite *katachi ni kodawaru no?
     Why…Why did you cling to that act?
Why kokoro wo hiraite
     Why…Let your heart open.
ookina nimotsu wo seotta
     The burden that you carry upon your shoulder,
anata wo uke irerareru chikara
     Makes you able to accept power.
aru wa shinjite mite…
     For certain by believing. ohh, yeah…

jiyuu na hito wa bukiyou de…
     As for the free person being clumsy…
jiyuu na hito wa fuan de…
     As for the free person being insecure…

Why kodoku na sora wo miageru no?
     Why…do you look sadly at the lonely sky?
Why waratte misete yo
     Why…show your laughing face.
kotoba ni suru no ga heta na
     Saying the right words becomes difficult.
anata no seikaku wakaru kara
     Because of your character, I understand
shinjite mite
     Try believing…

Why…

I’ve made an enemy unknowingly. Hanep! Sa isang taong di ko inaasahang pwede nyang gawin ang bagay na iyon. 

Nakakalungkot isipin, pero negative na ang rating ko sa kanya.  I used to have high respects for him.  Nang lumaon, unti-unting bumaba. Lumaki ang ulo, naging mayabang, etc. but above everything else a backstabber…

Just wait, I’ll have the best laugh yet.  I won’t let this go unnoticed.  Humanda ka. 

I just had a bad day…

Maganda naman ang gising ko.
Why did he have to mess it up…
Kakainis… Kasalanan ko pa na naging moody sya… Di ko daw sya iniintindi.
Dahil lang ba hindi ako bumili ng breakfast? OMG! Kailangan ko bang intindihin na moody sya?

Kilala naman nya ako.
Ilang beses ko na sinabi sa kanya na hindi ako manghuhula, na kung may kailangan sya, sabihin nya.

Tapos ganito pa? Idadamay ang work ko sa pagiging moody nya? Sheeesh!!!

Ok na sana ang rest ng araw ko but then again something went wrong sa training.  I threw a Mr. Chips to a co-trainee and accidentally tinamaan ang isa pang co-trainee.  Ilang beses ako nag sorry sa kanya for her sake! I apologized again nung 2nd break namin. But it seems hindi nya tinanggap ang apology ko.
By the end of the training, I felt the awkwardness between the two of us..

Whatever! Basta I apologized to her, kung di nya tangapin, it’s her prerogative. Anyways, I don’t get to deal with her much.  Pero nakakainis, di ko maiwasang isipin.

Argh!!

Tapos sa bus, nahilo pa ako.. Ano ba yan!!!!

It’s past 2am and I still cannot sleep… I drank too much coffee during Dell training.  So here I am wide-eyed.. T_T

Damn coffee! If it weren’t for it, I’d be sleeping soundly right now, dreaming, maybe drooling…

Being awake made me think, of things… Of what’s happening to my life, my family, in short of what’s happening to me..

It makes me reminesce… Of the good times that faded into the back of my memories… I don’t like this… But I don’t have something better to do… It’s in the middle of the night…

Oh please! let the effect of the caffeine wore off!

I’m not drinking more than one mug of coffee, I swear! T_T (or not)

I just discovered this song hours ago. It got me hooked in a matter of seconds.

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Your Love — Kylie Minouge

Open your eyes to the skies up above
Now is the time to express my love
Want you to hear my confession
You’re my obsession
Do what you will do but i can’t help the way i feel for you

Your love’s got me going around and around
And it’s taking me over
Your love’s got me tumbling upside down
And i want you to know it
Your love’s got me going around and around
And it’s taking me over
It’s you you you, it’s only you

Open your eyes to the skies and the sun
I wonder if this day will be the one
Want you to hear my confession
You’re my obsession
Do what you will do but i can’t help the way i’m wanting you

Your love’s got me going around and around
And it’s taking me over
Your love’s got me tumbling upside down
And i want you to know it
Your love’s got me going around and around
And it’s taking me over
It’s you you you, it’s only you

It’s taken everything i have
To get to here
You can crush my heart
At any moment
But i thought it best you know that

Your love’s got me going around and around
And it’s taking me over
Your love’s got me tumbling upside down
And i want you to know it
Your love’s got me going around and around
And it’s taking me over
It’s you you you, it’s only you

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I hope for the best between the two of us.